ISSUES : Still Many
- Art Heist from Dublin Office
- Spectacular Beijing Office Closing Ceremony
- HR Need to Read - Stock Options
- Waltham Employees: Mystery Object
- Welcome Aboard
- Haywire Doesn't Want to Hear From You

Art Heist From Dublin Office

Gardai in Dublin are seeking information this afternoon in connection to the theft of a considerable amount of art from the Dublin office.

CCTV Image of suspect

Details of the items stolen remain sketchy at this time. While people were glad to see the back of some of the abstract pieces, the loss of three pictures of Thumper from Bambi is another matter. Staff are distraught at the purloining of this playful piece and a productivity dip is feared. "It made me smile every day" a tear-stained marketeer told iContact.

The perpetrator was captured on CCTV footage making his escape in an unmarked white van. The vehicle was later found abandoned in the affluent suburb of Dalkey. It is not known how the thief made his escape from here.

If you recognise the man in the photo or have any other information that may prove useful in their enquiries, please keep it to yourself.

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Spectacular Beijing Office Closing Ceremony

The Beijing office brought its existence to a spectacular end with a grand ceremony celebrating their many achievements and golden code.

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HR Need to Read: Management - Stock Options

HR have been inundated with questions from managers about stock options and retention bonuses.

Number of stock options

If you feel you don't have enough stock options then you have just been giving too many to your employees. Why didn't you follow the example of the SMT and keep the vast majority for yourself?

Options Above Water

Particularly for those of you who were hired recently or joined via an acquisition. If you have plenty of options but they are priced above $4.05 and are thus worthless, we suggest you try one of the following:

  • Throw a tantrum
  • Threaten to quit unless you get them repriced or get a big fat pay rise.
  • Try drowning them in water

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Waltham Employees: Mystery Object

As many of you may know we have bi-monthly refrigerator cleanings here in Waltham. The cleaning people ask us to place and an orange sticker to anything that we don’t want thrown out. 

However, it has come to the attention of Waltham facilities that several items have been in the refrigerator with an orange sticker for several cleaning cycles. One item in particular has been here for several years and is starting to, in their words, ‘smell a bit funky’. They’ve asked that the owner of said item please come forward and claim it or else it will be thrown out with the next cleaning. 

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Welcome Aboard

Didn't you know there was a hiring freeze?

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Haywire Doesn't Want to Hear from You

Is your department doing something boring that you believe your IONA colleagues will want to know about? Haywire is NOT the place to tell those stories.

We dread hearing from you at icontact@iona.com. And no thanks to those who have already sent in thoughts, suggestions and articles...

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